One area that we especially need discernment as parents is when our kids are lying. The trouble with the behavior of ‘lying’ is that there are different kinds of ‘lying’ and different reasons kids ‘lie.’ As parents, we need to know and understand the difference.

In my job as a trainer for the Foster/Kinship Care Education Program for Butte College I had the privilege of picking Dr. Cline up at the airport and took him out to dinner with a friend prior to a speaking engagement he had with Butte College. A conversation I had with him sticks in my mind. Over the course of dinner he said something to the effect of, “When it comes to our kids, sometimes we have to be a coke machine and sometimes we have to be a slot machine.” This conversation turned out to be pure gold, and continues to shape my life, some 20 years later.

In a previous blog I discussed the difference between ‘can’t’ vs. ‘won’t.’ The big takeaway was that when kids can’t do something, we help. If it looks like they won’t do something, check and make sure it is a won’t. It is better to assume our child needs help and be wrong than to assume it’s that your child ‘won’t’ comply and give a consequence and be wrong. Along those same lines, I would like to focus on wants vs. needs.

In a recent parent support group the subject of “can’t vs. won’t” came up in discussion. We, as parents, have to make decisions all the time about how to respond, or react, to our child’s behavior. When we think they can’t do something (like tie their shoes) we help, show them how to do it, do it for them and/or teach them the skill. We do this so they can learn, to help them be independent and because it's our job.

Waiting doesn’t feel peaceful, it feels painful. I am pretty sure this is not what God intended with His verses on ‘waiting’. I think the waiting that is being referred to is hopeful expectancy. Knowing God and His character well enough to know that His timing is perfect. My job is to trust Him to work it all out. The truth is, I REALLY, REALLY miss each of our kids who have grown and flown. My hopeful expectancy is that there will be a day when I am going to be missing these last two who are at home as well.