Waiting…

Marty asked me to contribute to our church by writing a parenting blog. “I love writing and reading! What a great fit!” I thought to myself. Then the brain block happened. I will need to be transparent if I am writing what my church family will be reading. No getting away with anonymous authoring in a small church blog!  I want to be intentional about what I share, mostly because as a mom of 8 kiddos, time is precious. Your time is precious, too. 

I was in church on Sunday, listening to yet another verse on ‘waiting’, which seems to be a theme recently.  My maiden name is “Rushing” - “waiting” is not an attribute I identify with. I place a high value on efficiency, task completion and most mornings when my feet hit the floor I have my priorities for the day set. Along with this, I have a tendency to notice patterns and themes, it comes with the territory of my job - my day job is a behavior intervention specialist for my small school district.  

At 11 am (or so) this morning I was waiting for our high school aged son to wake up, I am uncomfortable, because I am out of my comfort zone - I am waiting, and I am waiting for him to wake up so I can apologize for my poor handling of a “big issue” the had come up the day before.  Of course I am not waiting patiently. I am busily stripping the peeling paint off of a 100 year old window in our upstairs bathroom because I am working through my day’s list - when I found myself again reflecting on those verses I have been coming across recently on ‘waiting’ and my struggle with waiting, “Here I am again!” I thought to myself.  

All this, while I am also listening to my favorite Spotify playlist.  So of course to keep with the theme, the song “Not in a Hurry” (Will Reagan, United Pursuit) came on. I heard the line “I’m not in a hurry when it comes to Your spirit.” and I took a breath. My first reaction was to throw the heat gun at my iphone which was my music delivery system.  Instead I (carefully) put down my heat gun, threw back my head and had a good, long belly laugh. Of course I am in a hurry when it comes to God’s spirit! I DO NOT like waiting! 

We have been parenting - kids living at home parenting - for the last 25 years. For the last 17 years STRAIGHT we have been parenting teenagers. My most recent “self” pep talks all center around, ‘this too shall pass’ or ‘it will get better’ with the realization that these pep talks are about the ‘end’ of something/ some things that at times can feel intolerable. I would like the ‘snarfy’ attitudes to be over.  I would like the corrective teaching after, corrective teaching discussions/lectures to be over. I am desperately looking forward to the end of calls from the school, the special education teacher, the police station, and concerned neighbors. (Whe have children by birth and children adopted through foster care, this comes with the territory.) 

So my worlds collided this morning with the hearing of the song on Spotify. I have absolutely been in a hurry for a peace that passes all understanding to come in the form of the transition out of our house- of our last two “at home” kids- I am ready for them to launch. My reality world of “this is hard and I am tired of parenting” and my church world of “God is God and I am not, thank you, Jesus!” need to cohabitate. 

I need and want peace in the moment when I find myself counting how many times my 18 year old man-child says “I don’t know” in one conversation. (Last night I counted 23 “I don’t know’s” before I finally quit counting…It went something like this, Me: “What were you thinking!??” Him, “I don’t know.” )   I am not waiting well for the ‘end’ of the “parenting teens” season of our lives. These teens, who seem to be losing more brain cells on an average day than the “daily growing in maturity and wisdom” that I am wishing for, have worn me down.  

Waiting doesn’t feel peaceful, it feels painful.  I am pretty sure this is not what God intended with His verses on ‘waiting’. I think the waiting that is being referred to is hopeful expectancy. Knowing God and His character well enough to know that His timing is perfect. My job is to trust Him to work it all out.  The truth is, I REALLY, REALLY miss each of our kids who have grown and flown. My hopeful expectancy is that there will be a day when I am going to be missing these last two who are at home as well.  

I am missing the intention in each of the verses on waiting that also point to God’s sovereignty, His presence and His steadfastness.  The lyrics in the song that God-smacked me go like this, 

“Lord I don’t want to rush on

ahead

In my own strength, 

when You are right here.” 

So for those of you who are just starting your parenting journey. The years do fly by, I miss the simplicity of parenting little ones. Parenting small children can be physically exhausting.  Parenting older children is emotionally exhausting. Each season has its perks. I am doing a whole lot less chaperoning, but when I hear one of our kids’ cars head down the road I pray a lot more for their safety.  May my waiting on the Lord be imbued with hopeful expectancy for His peace that comes in the waiting. May yours as well. Parenting is not meant to be a sprint, it is a marathon.  

Psalm 130:5 I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in His word I put my hope.

Proverbs 20:22 Do not say, “I will repay evil”; wait for the Lord and he will deliver you.

Isaiah 30:18  Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore He exalts Himself to show Mercy to you. 

Psalm 27: 13-14 I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!  Wait for the Lord, be strong and let your heart take courage, wait for the Lord. 

Lamentations  3:25 The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks Him.