Overcoming Social Anxiety
I was talking to someone today and what I shared with them I thought might be able to help someone else. For people who have social anxiety that is high enough that it is keeping you from going to things and connecting with people even though you desire connection, here are some things I would encourage you to do to get momentum.
1. Find somewhere that feels safe enough. This looks different for everyone. For some it may be sitting amongst people people watching. For someone else it may be attending something where you know someone. Whatever event that gives you the least amount of anxiety is what you should try for first. Rome wasn’t built in a day.
2. Have a plan! Yep! A plan. Have an escape plan. Know where you want to sit. Make sure you drive yourself so you can leave or whoever you are with is on the page that if you max yourself out, you have a way out. Having a panic attack will not help you. You will have anxiety but you should be able to manage it without panic. Also, there’s something about having a way out that actually keeps your anxiety down. So have a plan.
3. One of the worst parts about social anxiety is sitting and having nothing to do. You’re not usually social enough at this point to strike up a conversation or you wouldn’t be reading this. Always have something you enjoy doing with you at all times. This allows you to be in the room without feeling like you have to interact and it keeps your thoughts focused. I use to carry a book with me everywhere. I love to read. Other things are a sketch pad if you like to draw, now days cell phones work for most people too. Again, have a plan of something that relaxes you that you can do while with people.
4. Know that no one thinks of you as harshly as you do of yourself. Most people with social anxiety think no one wants them around. Really, we send a signal that tell people that we are uncomfortable and so they usually are respecting a boundary we are putting out there through body language. The more comfortable we can become just being in the environment, the more open our signal is, the more people we will meet.
5. Set attainable goals. If you want to have a few close friends and currently have none then that’s the main goal. Now break that main goal into 20 small attainable goals to get there. If you want to be a body builder you are going to have to start with going to the gym and lifting. If you’ve never gone to the gym then step one is going, step two is going three to 5 days. Step 3 is 5 plus every week while including increasing your weight. You will also have steps with your diet etc. I’m trying to say that there is no large goal that gets done in one step. If that were the case we would all be olympians. It’s being able to break things down and then being faithful to work on it continuously.
6. You would be surprised at how many people deal with social anxiety and who they are. You’re in good company. You are valuable and there are people out there who will love and celebrate you for being you. You just have to take the first step and put yourself out there just a bit. You can do it! (Yes, I have had high social anxiety my whole life. If I can do it you can too).